Smile-breaks
I'd like a sunny day, delivered to. . .
I'm ordering a sunny day to be delivered next Sunday—to my front yard and backyard patio. From Amazon, of course. They sell everything! I haven't done this before, but I really need this for the big birthday party.
I click into Amazon and type "sunny day" into the Search bar. The AI guy—or whoever does this—shows a selection of sunny days. Beautiful pictures. Sunny days with temperature control? Or maybe a sunny day with just the right humidity? I check out the different choices.
Sunny day with choice of temperature: Freezing, Cold, Cool as a Cucumber, Warm but not too Warm, Hot as Hades, Sizzling. See chart for temperature ranges. I'll take the "Warm but not too Warm," 70 to 78 degrees, thank you.
Wind factor? Oh, I don't know. Enough to cool the air a little, but not so much it blows the plastic tablecloths off. Maybe 5 miles an hour, or 10? Ooh! The cost just went up. Seems breezes are expensive. I'll stick with the 5 miles an hour for that.
Humidity? Definitely don't want too much. Low, Medium, High, Extra High? I'll say Low. Whew! Humidity's a lot cheaper than breezes.
Area to be covered? Small, Medium, Large or XLarge? I have to check the area chart. Looks like I need Large, for the front and back yards. Delivery time? Let's make it ten in the morning.
Pickup time? What? I don't get to keep my sunny day? I have to return it? Not sure how I'll do that; maybe one of those Amazon trucks will pick it up. Looks like pickup time is after twenty-four hours. Unless… can I get half-price for half a day?
Hey! A rainbow! That'd be neat! Shoot. They're out of stock until the next rain.
With all the advances in technology, you'd think some IT person somewhere would catch on that what we need most is NICE WEATHER! On demand from Amazon or Walmart or Target.
What we don't need is upgrades to our already upgraded ninety-nine times iPhones and Androids and printers and laptops and iPads. We just got used to the last upgrade when. . . another upgrade!
I know the IT people need something to keep them busy, but we need the REAL STUFF: good weather, easy-to-open packaging, phones that don't need a million settings to function like a, um, phone; printers that print without forgetting where their Wi-Fi connection is every other day and without jamming way at the back of the printer where you can't reach.
I have to admit, I am enjoying my Shark Robot floor cleaner, although yesterday when I sent it to clean the kitchen floor it went directly to the living room and started to clean the entire house. I had to send it home—to its dock—and start over. Score one for human, two for Robot.
Gotta go. I'm going to talk to Amazon about that weather order. . .